Originally written June 28th 2017

Either the most fulfilling, or the most frustrating thing about pursuing passion, is that it’s a journey without an ultimate end. Even when we finally accomplish what we set out to do, we have to figure out how to keep that thing going. And just to make life more interesting, our original goal might branch out into several unexpected, new ideas along the way. So we set our intentions. We craft a vivid narrative to inspire us, and then life comes along with its change-ups, demanding flexibility. How wonderful, and how exhausting it is to be on a path hewn by passion. But romantic language aside, when our main focus is arrival – outcomes, the exhaustion can easily outweigh the wonder. Fulfillment is often overshadowed by frustration. I doubt anyone would willingly give up opportunities for wonder and fulfillment; but we do whenever we don’t recognize all the ways we arrive, before ever reaching our intended destination. That is the gift of embracing the process.

So much of our culture orients us towards celebrating outcomes. Process has become a subject that’s meaningful in the context of a beautiful, dramatic, or inspiring success. It is the, “How did they do it?” question that we eagerly ask those who are where we aspire to be. And there’s value in that. We learn from the processes of those who have done what we hope to do. However, there is also value in extending that same awe and curiosity to our own lives. How have you gotten this far? What new habits or perspectives have you developed? What have you read and/or learned? This is your process. Pay attention to it. Be grateful for all of the elements that have worked well, and all the ones that haven’t. When we learn from our own lives, it keeps us from being consumed by comparison.

I know this because my family is not in the place, or in the midst of circumstances that reflect our ultimate desire. We also deal with the temptation to measure our success and progress against others gardens, fields and charming low-impact lives. However, when we consider our journey with gratitude, we realize that (setting and chickens aside) we are already living more of our dream than not. We’ve been building sufficiency right alongside life’s surprises and challenges. With that knowledge, a peace settles in that allows us to keep moving forward rather than getting stuck on the perception of lack or failure. By seeing our dream as a sum of smaller goals, our joy isn’t hinging on one sweeping lifechange. This perspective nurtures the agility required to make progress in spite of uncertainty.

For example, in our first attempt at growing food, the greatest success was the bevy of ways I managed to kill plants. But by understanding that gardening was a skill that we would learn over time, the endeavor became about the learning process rather than a boast-worthy harvest. This shift in perspective is what kept us replanting again and again. If we gave too much weight to the poor outcomes of our first season, we may have decided that growing food wasn’t really our thing, and quit. The same is true for sewing, making a sourdough starter, or sketching house plans. Multiple iterations, trials, and experiments … immersing ourselves in the process is what produced a fruitful second season, delicious, crusty bread and shirts with restored buttons. When we lessen the focus on outcomes, and dig into the details of the work we’re passionate about, we make more progress and are happier along the way.

One of the most effective ways to foster all of this gratitude, shift in perspective, love for the details and process is to document our journeys. Whether it’s a public feed, a private journal, a collection of artifacts, or a combination of multiple means, creating a record of our beginnings, lessons learned, the beauty and the struggle is like banking encouragement. The truth is, most of us are forgetful while en route to a dream. When the present confronts us head-on with disappointment or unintended results, we forget all of the good that preceded it. On the other hand, when we experience those moments that make us feel like champions, we forget all of the failures that came before the win. Being able to recall our growth and story up to that point – good and/or bad – keeps the heart balanced. There’s less room for crippling discouragement or the follies of pride, and more space for continued learning and growth.

Now, at some point we do want to actualize our dreams. The practice of embracing process isn’t about consoling ourselves into complacency or justifying procrastination. What it does is remove the angst that comes with being dissatisfied until we get everything aligned with our vision. Embracing the process with gratitude sustains our pace. It channels our passion into persistence and productivity. It swaps our frustration and exhaustion for wonder and fulfillment. And we have to move in that current; because the work, causes, and projects we’ve chosen will continue to grow. As long as we care about creating magnificent resistance, that sense of destination will recede into the pursuit of more goodness.

So let’s give ourselves the best odds for a joyful pursuit.

Originally written July 7th 2017

One of my favorite quotes about self-sufficiency is from plant breeder and author, Carol Deppe. In her book, The Resilient Gardener: Food Production and Self-Reliance in Uncertain Times, she addresses the conundrum of human nature and the goal of self-sufficiency. That conundrum being, humanity thrives in community; but pursuing sufficiency can sometimes push people to extremes of striving for independence from community. As a healthier alternative, Carol proposes interdependence.

“In ordinary and good times, we don’t really seek true independence, but rather enough knowledge and skills so that we can build and hold up our end of honorable interdependence. … [W]e need the kinds of skills that allow us to be valuable and contributing participants in honorable interdependence in both good and bad times.”

The beautiful thing about this goal of mutual reliance, is that it requires differentiation. In the sufficiency movement, we often find comfort and strength in communities of like-minded individuals. However, in our most immediate communities – our partners, roommates, and families, we can’t always bank on equally shared passion. While that might seem like an obstacle, I think it could be fertile ground for cultivating resilience.

My immediate community is a family of five. Myself, husband, and our three young sons. I could paint an image of my entire family sitting around the dinner table, enjoying completely organic meals, having thoughtful discussions about our sustainability efforts. I could tell you that we so profoundly influence our boys' ideas, that they are growing into little conservationist clones of us. But that would be a juicy lie, and of no use to anyone. In reality, our kids – even the toddler – are already so distinctly themselves, and they assert that individuality on a daily basis. They have favorite things, preferred pastimes and particular dislikes. Most of our meals are spent negotiating vegetable consumption and trying not to laugh while reminding them that we don’t tell potty jokes at the table. They are the riotous rhythm of our family.

My partner/husband is also a part of this circus. And while we’re in this together, we do not have equal investment in every aspect of sufficiency. He is a city boy through and through, loves technology, and thinks in pixels. I’ve always had one foot in the woods, loved books, and think in a tangle of stories about the past and future. Admittedly, the idea of connectedness with nature, urban homesteading or building resilience was mine before it was his. However, we found our common ground in compassion, a desire to be good stewards, and a conviction to place value in creating good things vs. constant consumption. Once we agreed on the heart of our mission, we made space to learn together. As simple as it sounds, communication, listening and openly accepting each other’s differences is what enables us to build.

What has evolved from this open, and patient exchange, is interest-based involvement. Rather than trying to get all of us on the same page at the same pace, we explore the entire book of opportunities and hone in on our favorite chapters. I’m passionate about food, natural wellness, and building. Mr. Pixels is fascinated by beekeeping, finding ways to reduce waste, and the possibility of designing/building our own furniture. Big Brother doesn’t love dirt; but he’s our captain of water conservation and recycling. Little Brother is my garden helper. He loves checking on the plants, watering and almost anything involving cooking. As for Baby Brother, we’re just happy that he eats more vegetables than he tears out of the ground. At this stage of life, this is our honorable interdependence – flexible and unifying.

Could your work or journey benefit from more inclusion and latitude; more minds and helping hands? For those of us who are used to getting things done on our own, who’ve gotten where we are because of our determined independence, it can be difficult to trust others with our vision. A vision is its own kind of baby. While they’re still in infancy, we guard them closely. Though at some point, if we want to see them growing out in the world, we will have to rely on the help and wisdom of others. At some point, we all need the village.

Staking out the area for the big little garden.

In the work of building resilience and sufficiency, this principle of necessary connection and valued differentiation eliminates the sense that we and our households need to be completely self-sustaining. Everyone isn’t going to be able to keep livestock or grow all of their groceries (and everyone shouldn’t). No single person or micro-community will possess all of the knowledge and experience needed to be entirely self-sufficient. So the only true means to achieve resilience in our homes and communities is to do it together – with a mutual respect for our strengths, patience with our weaknesses and supportive reminders that we’re all working towards a shared goal.

With the elements of open communication, interest-based involvement, flexibility, and staying centered on the heart of the mission, we can all lay the groundwork for a stronger, resilient network of interdependent individuals, families, organizations etc.. We can engage younger generations in ways that foster their unique skills and inspire their own conviction. We can reach out to older generations with their wealth of knowledge and experience. We can collaborate with our peers in ways that create room for differing life paths, and scheduling conflicts. A simple tweak in the language – inter- vs. in- – suddenly alleviates the pressure and the weight of complete self-reliance. There’s nothing to prove by doing it alone and everything to gain by including others. The best way forward is all together.